What does mean to have a talent or at least be good at something?

*disclaimer: I'm quite long winded lol, to skip my story, just read the bigger words*

I always thought my talent was a flop and something I’ll never be good at. I’ve always compared myself to so many different brilliant people in the world who are excellent in the field of what I love to do.. and if there were so many people who are so extraordinary in it, then where do I stand? Furthermore, I was taught that what I hold was impractical and not prospective at all – utter useless. Then if that’s the case, should I even continue what I felt I was talented in? Even more so, can I even classify that I’m talented.

I like to say one of my talents is in art. Art, not as in aesthetics like dancing and singing nor humanities like history and literature, but one that involves painting and drawing – anything that has to do with making something visually satisfying to look at. Yet I say this with much hesitant and with a heavy heart. I do that compliments on my artworks and a small degree of recognition, but I do not think my fare is really in art – not at least with so many years of endless passion trying to get here, with so many people ahead of me.

I do not have that “oomph”

There’s always some prodigy who are born to be disgustingly good just given a media to work with or one that has that “oomph”. I don’t remember where I heard this word oomph, but it was one of the books I read and I guess you’ll probably know it too because I myself don’t read much. You work your ass off for it yet you look at yourself with such disdain when you chance upon a good piece of work, and think to yourself, “will I even be that good?”

I have never won anything competition in regards to it

You may think I have that kindle with art but no, or not exactly. Look at it this way. When I was younger, I did a lot of art, more than most kids at least  (learning their piano and going for ballet classes). I would draw, be exposed to weird medias of art and take part in many art competitions my parents or school try to put me into. I have never won any. I was just happy with a certificate of participation and I always wondered why some really ugly pieces won? Like seriously ugly. Maybe mine was just as bad, or perhaps worse. I questioned myself a lot and looked at myself with disappointment. The only silly thing I won was a digital art using Paint at kindergarten and God knows who uses Paint to do art.

Art is not useful

In my years of academia, I’ve been molded slow and shape into recognizing art not being a useful talent, in both academics and non-academics. In the non-academic side, you cannot DSA with art. Direct School Admission (DSA) is how students who are not so academically stunning to get into prestigious schools in Singapore, via non-curriculum activities. In art, no matter how talented you are won’t get you into these schools. It was sports or performing arts or having some shitty leadership position in school that get you there, just not art. What can you contribute to the school with art anyway? Even if you could, they probably could teach hardworking ones to do it better than you, it is a skill after all.  Even in CCAs (co-curricular activities), Art Club was a lame CCA and a dumping ground for people who did not have any other CCA to go to. On the academics side, it was the same. I remember being in a triple science class in secondary school and I was pretty ambitious to request to take art as my ninth subject but my principal said no. She even persuaded me how art was really impractical and not prospective. I didn’t put in much thought then and I agreed not to take art.

When I entered junior college, I didn’t want anything in my life to do with art - drawing painting, anything. I did nothing unconventional in school and I conformed into the seemingly never-ending rat race. I did sports, took up leadership roles, excelled in studies and eventually entered university.

I guess what they say about the transition of a freshman to sophomore in university is really true. My outlook on education and particularly art took a 180 degrees turn. I used to do sports in my in my junior college and I always felt good telling people I’m in one, and I never confessed I liked drawing. Yet when I entered university and stopped doing sports altogether, I saw how fast my body degenerated. Half marathons used to be a usual thing after A levels but in the present, 5 km seems like a treacherous mountain I need to climb.

Art stands the test of time

I turned back to using times of leisure to do art – specifically painting. I realized how I never did any worse than before and I only got better.  I was pretty appalled at first, and rather satisfied. I never touched art for the past 2 years of my life yet I came out with something better. I thought about it a little and it was how my senses and outlook to anything visually appealing heightening over these years that came into play. I felt happier with what I was good at and I learned to embrace those exhaustively talented individuals’ love for art and hours of passion and their techniques put into an art piece. Instead of spiting at how bad I am, I start to learn the techniques they use and inculcate to make my art works better, and I do only get better. Even more so, they are remembered over so many centuries for their art and their art piece only appreciates as time goes by.

Art is so important in our everyday lives

I always thought I must win something in order to wow people and I look so many compliments for granted. I decded to take these compeiments to fuel passion and commitment, looking pass the pessimism I had. Even more astoundingly is how art is so celebrated by adults and industries. We can’t do advertising without design or a study of how to make something visually appealing. We can’t make a silly interface or machinery that are viable without the considerations of art and design.

Even in academia, design courses and fine arts are sought after that it is now so advocated and popular. It is obviously where the coolest and most hipster people from – mostly art schools like Lasalle and Temasek polytechnic. We don’t go unknown, just looking around and you see art everywhere. And to think I was taught to see art as being useless. Pathetic.

I feel contented with what I am good at. I still say this with much discomfort because I am never satisfied with my works and I do still feel I’m never good enough. What I know now is how to channel these emotions to only improve what is already supposed to be good. I think that talented is overrated and too highly celebrated via achievements and winning. These commissions and successes should be a bonus. What I really feel talent is about is that longing, passion and commitment that you have for the longest time. That thought that keep you coming back to what you love to do. It doesn’t have to be art; it could be sports, music or even academia, anything. And do not discount yourself from your talents just because it has not been succeeded, it is, after all, something you are good at – what you’re talented in. Art is a just a story I want to share that derived this thought I have.