Morning blues

Here's a morning short story I wrote.. had an idea to write about this from the weather. I refuse to keep it clean, wahahaha. You'll know it when you read it ;)

"I had awoken up from my slumber, awake in this cold cloudy hazy morning by the most lamenting way of a nightmare. I had dreamt about this person I had dated for four years whom had already broke up with me. I was taking a breezy morning stroll down a stretch of brightly orange coloured high rise buildings around the neighbourhood when I saw this person sitting around a stone table under the void deck of a flat, wearing the usual plain dark blue shirt he wore with plain greyish-brown Bermudas. He was with a friend, the friend I knew through him from our years of young love. I had no idea why but I headed towards them and had decided to take a seat with them. Clueless, someone else whom I knew came into the picture. It was a lady, somewhat better looking than I am, perhaps in a more mature manner because of the type of make-up she wore – she was the girl this person had used to date. I was curious and pretty upset why she, too, came down to this void deck to join us for a chat but then I realised she was there to hang out with them. She continued speaking with an obvious sigh and this person, this person whom I had loved for a really long time, made my dream so unfortunate by saying that they two could still hang out some other time(without me being in the picture). Disheartened and furious about the fact they still stayed in contact after the colossal break out they had had, I snatched his mobile that he left on the stoned table and ran away. He came after me, only to be reaching out to get his mobile rather than to ask me what was wrong, I had refused otherwise. I wanted to send him a text message of how I felt on the phone but instead, I screamed in dismay that he told me he had always been busy having no time for me yet still able to find time for another woman. I broke down hard inside my dream, kicking and screaming, unable to forgive myself from the fact that he only wanted me for sex for all the times after we had nothing more. I usually could not speak or utter a word during any period of being frightened in my dream, but strangely, this time, I could. I woke up from this horror film soon after with glad yet disappointing tears rolling down my sclera, to my ears, dampening my pillow with a dark wet spot. This wasn’t the first time I had experienced this either. I had came into realisation, yet still with so much hesitation and disbelief, I had been denying myself from the fact that this person had already given up on me, the four years we had already gone to waste, gone to the trenches of the ocean that was so unreachable and pitch black in sight. I had been seeing him as a friend with benefits not mainly for the “make” but more for the “love”. I wanted him back more than anything else but it ceased to happen. I had been pinning up every single piece of hope of getting back together with nice words and security he expressed, avoiding the moments of heartbreaks and heartaches. I was depressed that he wasn’t mine to keep; he could be anyone else’s in the matter of time. He could do whatever he wanted, he wouldn’t be thinking of me anyway. I had been so torn up."